Moods of Mae

Tom Smykowski

2008-09-18T13:06:00.001-10:00

Well well look. I already told you: I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills, I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

Welcome to the World, Baby Girl!

2008-05-01T11:27:00.003-10:00

Congratulations, Jenny & Adam!

Maya Paige Compton
Born: May 1st at 1:57pm
Measuring in at: 6 lbs. 6 oz. 19 inches

I can't wait to meet her! I love you all so much.

Love,
Auntie Jodi

Welcome to the World, Baby Boy!

2008-04-21T15:12:00.003-10:00

Congratulations, Joe & Allison!

Jack Joseph Spalding
Born: April 18th at 12:25pm
Measuring in at: 7 lbs 3 oz. 19 inches

I can't wait to meet him.

Love,
Auntie Jodi

Mele Kalikimaka!

2007-12-21T15:14:00.000-10:00

Aloha!

I'm certainly second-guessing my decision to fly to Utah for Christmas. It's currently 80 degrees and sunny in Kona. It's snowing with a high of 34 degrees in Salt Lake City. BRRRRRRR! Dad, please don't forget to bring my boots and down-filled parka to the airport tomorrow morning.

I hope all of you have a happy & safe holiday.

Love,
Mae

ADHD

2007-10-24T12:07:00.000-10:00

So, yeah. Project x365.org is really going well for me over here.

x365.org - No. 6

2007-10-08T10:43:00.000-10:00

Abby - When we first met, you fit in the palm of my hand. Even though you live with your Auntie Jenny now, you'll always be my favorite little kitty!

x365.org - No. 5

2007-10-05T12:14:00.000-10:00

Scott - You had sex with your brother's fiance' on a coffee table in front of a room full of other guys. The saddest part of all? Not only was your brother in attendance...it was his bachelor party!

I just threw up a little recalling this dark moment in time.

x365.org - No. 4

2007-10-02T07:30:00.000-10:00

Mr. Noel - As Vice Principal of CHS, you seemed like such a hard ass! And then you cried during the Class of '89 graduation ceremony.

x365.org - No. 3

2007-10-01T12:14:00.000-10:00

Tim - One time you dyed your hair with leopard spots to match your tie and cumberbund for a friend's wedding. That was a good look.

x365.org - No. 2

2007-09-28T08:40:00.000-10:00

Junie - When I was little, you would let me play dress up with your high-heeled shoes. Your feet were so small, the shoes fit me perfectly!

One Word

2007-09-20T13:23:00.000-10:00

1. Where is your cell phone? Desk
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend? Non-existent
3. Your hair? Brown
4. Work? Lame
5. Your father? Awesome
6. Your favorite thing? Books
7. Your dream last night? Unknown
8. Your favorite drink? Coke
9. Dream car? Limo
10. The room you're in? Freezing
11. Your pet? Abby
12. Your fears? Loss
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Content
14. Where did you hang out last night? Ohana
15. What you're not good at? Deceit
16. Eyebrow rings on the preferred sex? Gross
17. One of your wish list items? Books
18. Where you grew up? Utah
19. The last thing you did? Smoked
20. What are you wearing? Pink
21. What aren't you wearing? Socks
22. The website GoofyAuctions.com (filled with eBay spoofs)? What?
23. Your computer? Handy
24. Your life? Limbo
25. Your mood? Meh.
26. Missing? Family
27. What are you thinking about right now? Leaving
28. Your car? Honda
29. Your work? Glazing
30. Your summer? Beaches
31. Your relationship status? Single
32. Your favorite color? Purple
33. When is the last time you laughed? Today
34. Last time you cried? Tuesday
35. School? Over

x365.org - No. 1

2007-09-18T12:14:00.000-10:00

Mr. Jackson - In Wildlife Biology class, you kept giant snakes and would let them loose to roam the classroom floor during movies to keep everyone alert. You also had a spray bottle full of water on your desk that you'd use if anyone happened to take a nap in your class.

The First Ten Years

2007-09-06T12:52:00.000-10:00

Age one – Already walking, but so tall I was often mistaken for an older child. People likely thought I was retarded when all I could manage to say back to them when they tried to talk to me was “Hi!” over and over again.

Age two – Wet my pants at my birthday party (cousins Layne and Carrie in attendance). Cried a lot about the that, but was very excited about my new wagon.

Age three – Sister Jenny born. Very, very unhappy with the parents. This was MY SHOW, after all. Don’t worry yourselves; I love my little sis’ to pieces nowadays.

Age four – There is a picture of me standing in front of the television in an old black hat, my dad's combat boots, and a white t-shirt. That's right...no pants. My mom reminded me that I used to wear the hat constantly and would line up all of my little chairs and pretend I was riding on a train.

Age five – I don't know if I suffered some sort of trauma that year or what (Kindergarten?), but I have absolutely no significant memories to share.

Age six – We had a Halloween Parade at school. Mom dressed me as an Indian Squaw, replete with the papoose (containing my favorite Madame Alexander doll, Pussycat), braided hair, and feathered headdress.

Age seven – Grandma? Why did you give me this hideous permanent? No lasting damage to the hair follicles, but my mental state has never been the same.

Age eight – Played kissing tag in the schoolyard with a cute boy named Grady Green. A year or two later, his mother married my uncle! Keep it in the family, indeed.

Age nine – At recess one day, best friend Marlo said to Brian, the boy I had a huge crush on at the time, “Don’t you think Mae needs a bra?” I even remember the shirt I was wearing. It had a koala bear iron-on that said ‘I need wuvvin’, too!’ My dear Dad took me to the mall that evening to buy my first mammary support system. Gawd.

Age ten – My friend Cheryl punched one of the schoolteachers, Mrs. Phipps, in the nose. Mrs. Phipps was a nasty old bitch and totally had it coming. Cheryl was one badass mofo.

This idea was taken from prompt #47 in Maggie Mason's new book "No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog".

Love

2007-08-24T09:45:00.000-10:00

Its savage and its cruel
And it shines like destruction
Comes in like the flood
And it seems like religion
Its noble and its brutal
It distorts and deranges
And it wrenches you up
And youre left like a zombie

~Annie Lennox

Porn - D.I. Style

2007-03-21T15:43:00.000-10:00

The following post previously published (by me) at the RoyceRants forum.

One day last week on the way home from work, we spotted a familiar person hitching a ride on Kuakini. It was our former Gradall operator, Bobbo. Defining Bobbo and his eccentricity is for another post, but I am compelled to share a story today. Another former co-worker of ours owns an "adult toy shop" in the Captain Cook area. Needless to say, I've never visited the shop. But Bobbo has! Oh yes, Bobbo has, indeed. He was in the store not too long ago to visit the former co-worker and had a look around at the merchandise while he was there. According to Bobbo, most of the inventory in the shop is USED! Not just videos and mags, my friends, but the toys themselves. USED. USED.SEX.TOYS!

So yeah. If you're in the market for some gently used porn, just swing by Adult Phantasy in Captain Cook.

What Happened?

2007-02-02T13:19:00.000-10:00

How on earth two whole years have passed since I started this "blog thing" is beyond me. I'm sure these people are wondering "what happened"? as well. They are all celebrating birthdays in February:

February 05 - Lisa A.
February 10 - Lisa P.
February 13 - Kelly
February 17 - Kayne
February 17 - Jean

Happy Birthday to all of you. Hope 2007 is spectacular!

Love,
Mae

P.S. Be sure to wear your birthday suit often before it gets all wrinkly.

Moments of Mortification

2007-01-25T14:38:00.000-10:00

I'm sure this will end up being a series of posts, but for now, I present you with this gem:

Friday night and we're out at the usual spot, LuLu's. Everybody is having a great time, and I've gone the entire evening without making an ass of myself. And then...

I walked to the upper bar at about 1:00a to see what was happening. My least favorite bartender was working. Now mind you, on a normal, sunny, sober day, I can't stand the sight of this guy. He's rude and abrasive and generally just a jerk. Actually reminds me of an ex. So I am sitting there with a friend chatting, and suddenly I am possessed by what I can only assume was the DEVIL HIMSELF. I leaned across the bar and said "Hey ____, we should just make out already and get it over with." Oh.my.god! Where did that come from? Not even I can answer that one. It gets better...his girlfriend was sitting five feet away when I made this not-at-all-quiet request.

I almost made it through the entire night without doing anything stupid! I guess the whole night was too much to hope for considering the number of rum drinks I consumed.

The End.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-05T13:17:00.000-10:00

And happy it will be. Big Head Todd & The Monsters are coming to the Big Island for AN ENTIRE WEEK in May. They are playing two shows at the Prince Hapuna in Waikoloa. I plan to stay for the entire week and try not to drool on myself in front of Todd Park Mohr. It would be really great if my knees didn't turn to jelly, too. So if the universe could just go ahead and make that happen, that'd be great.

So happy new year and here's hoping you don't drool on yourself or turn to jelly. Unless that's your thing, of course.

Love,
Mae

09690-081 SPEAKS

2006-09-23T21:31:00.000-10:00

"I really have no idea what I'm supposed to be writing in this thing..."

"Personally, I find 'blogging' rather tedious and too canned. I much prefer the spontaneity of instant messaging and archiving the text."
~thus spoketh bobbo 092306

p.s. jodes is cute.

p.p.s. awww i am fucken blushing! for real.

p.p.p.s. you got style you got class you got soul you're bad ass

p.p.p.p.s. seems down your back alleys, anything goes.

p.p.p.p.p.s. word.

I Refuse To Let Common Sense Cloud My Judgment

2006-08-08T08:58:00.000-10:00

...so reads the postcard that Mrs. Spalding sent to me! I LOVE IT :)

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

2006-05-01T06:29:00.000-10:00

Tambamboozlepatootinrootinroozle!

2006-04-25T18:41:00.000-10:00

Happy Birthday To You!
Happy Birthday To You!

Happy Birthday Dear Tambamboozlepatootinrootinroozle,

Happy Birthday To You!

P.S. Hpoe yuo cuold raed teh crad I mialed ot yuo ;)

TOWANDA! Or, Mill Avenue Inspires Memories of Evelyn Couch

2006-04-10T16:39:00.000-10:00

THE SCENE: Evelyn is cut off in a parking lot

Evelyn Couch: Hey! I was waiting for that spot!
Girl #1: Face it, lady, we're younger and faster!

THE ACTION: Evelyn rear-ends the other car six times

Girl #1: What the hell are you doing?
Girl #2: Are you fucking crazy?

Evelyn Couch: Face it, girls, I'm older and I have more insurance.

The Waste Land

2006-03-29T19:30:00.000-10:00

My nerves are bad tonight. Yes, bad. Stay with me.
Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak.
What are you thinking of? What thinking? What?
I never know what you are thinking. Think.

Who Threw a Handle?

2006-03-25T16:22:00.000-10:00

Don't any of you even entertain a single thought about going as "The Landlady" for Halloween this year. She's MINE!!!

I'm the Lyrical Jesse James

2006-03-24T19:16:00.000-10:00

Challenge:
Band? Song Title?

Rule:
No internet cheating. Rub those two remaining brain cells together and let me know who sang it and the title of the song without the aid of the world wide web. Good luck!

Prize:
You'll have the power.

Bye now.

I'm Just Sitting in My Car and Waiting for Serj Tankian

2006-03-19T16:20:00.000-10:00

"You know that every time I try to go where I really want to be, it’s already where I am, cause I’m already there."

(SUGAR!!!)

~~~

"I think you do what you’re destined to do," says Tankian, expressing what could serve as his band’s credo. "If you follow your heart and you follow your path, then you’ll always be safe with anything that you do..."

P.S. Look out, MJK.

The Party of the First Part

2006-01-22T20:25:00.000-10:00

According to our contract, at precisely midnight, at the moment of her greatest triumph, the party of the first part, that's you, agrees to render up her soul now and forever more to the party of the second part, that's me. Shall we go?

Chasing Rabbits

2005-10-13T14:43:00.000-10:00

"Who am I, then? Tell me that first, and then, if I like being that person, I'll come up; if not, I'll stay down here till I'm somebody else."

Slinkies

2005-06-29T12:23:00.000-10:00

Some people are like Slinkies...

Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Shout Out!

2005-05-17T11:42:00.000-10:00

To my peeps Vicki and Adam, who gave me the coolest belated birthday gift EVER!! You guys rock my world. Thanks.

BHTM

2005-05-03T06:33:00.000-10:00

Saturday afternoon I went to the McDowell Mountain Music Festival to see Big Head Todd & The Monsters. As if that weren't cool enough, I actually got to meet most of the band (Todd and Brian anyway) and have photos taken! Now if only I weren’t so technologically feeble, I might be able to post said pictures for all of your viewing! If you really want to see them, leave a comment and I’ll share the link to my Ofoto page. It was all very exciting.

When they left the stage, Vicki and I decided to head to the trailer area toward the back. We talked to a guy named Scott that turned out to be best friends with Brian Nevin (drummer). He walked off with the promise to “see what he could do”…so we waited a few minutes at the fence. Then we noticed a gaping hole in the fence! So we just waltzed in there like we owned the place and around the corner in the dining tent, we found Scott and Brian! After a few photos were snapped, Vicki asked Brian for an autograph. He said no problem and headed back toward the trailer to get something to write with (we were quite the prepared fans, I can tell you). But THEN, THEN, we saw Todd Mohr coming out of the trailer! So we ran over and some nice guy took photos of both of us with them! And Todd is every bit as cute up close as he is on the stage. GRRRR!

TTFN

2005-04-20T10:49:00.000-10:00

I've decided I like reading blogs a lot more than I like writing them. You may have already guessed as much due to lack of posting. Plus, I feel weird blogging from work, and to this day I have no PC at home.

So, much love to all two of you readers and ta-ta for now.

Peace.

Freaking Idiots! Gosh.

2005-03-24T07:30:00.000-10:00

This morning on my way into work, while still in the parking lot of the complex, I turned the corner and a woman backed right out in front of me from her parking spot. As if that weren’t bad enough, she stopped right there and proceeded to make a call on her cell phone! So, being the ever-patient person that I am, I waited about 2.5 seconds and then leaned into the horn with everything I had. That woke her up.

The Roach

2005-03-09T06:48:00.000-10:00

A few times over the course of the last year, I have encountered a gigantic cockroach in my bathroom (don’t EVEN tell me where there is one, there are many…I just don’t want to hear it). Anyway, I got a big can of spray poison to have at-the-ready the next time the bastard showed his ugly face. Turns out that appearance was made last night. Without hesitation, I grabbed that can and ripped the lid off and started spraying like a mad woman. But he would.not.die! As he scurried to safety (or what he thought was safety), I followed his course with more of the toxic spray. From the sink to the floor to the shower curtain to the cabinet and finally the doorway. This is where things started to get ugly, and near the point where I actually started to cry. It flipped on its back and flailed around miserably for an eternity. It was like a train wreck in that while I wanted to look away, I couldn’t. Then I started to choke on the fumes of the spray and thought to myself “I hope this isn’t how the poor cockroach feels! Does the spray just cut off THEIR air supply?” People, I actually CRIED over the writhing death of a cockroach! When I could take it not one moment longer, I got the biggest handful of toilet paper I could hold, grabbed him, and flushed him away.

I honestly think I am scarred for life.

P.S. Thanks to Alwan for answering the phone and calming me down after it happened.

Sugar Curt Rahe

2005-03-04T18:36:00.000-10:00

"If a maid costs that much money, I better be getting some ass out of the deal!"

It's A Good Thing

2005-03-04T07:52:00.000-10:00

Anybody else wonder how Martha managed to keep those blonde highlights up while she was on the inside? I don't see any tell-tale roots in any of the photos I've seen and she was in there for five months! Maybe it really was Camp Cupcake after all.

Lucky!

2005-03-03T06:05:00.000-10:00

Apparently I’m doing a stellar job of taking over blogdom for webwonky! Sorry for the sporadic posts…I guess it is high time I got a computer at home since I don’t always have the opportunity to post from work. Too busy brewing all of that coffee…

What is everybody doing this weekend? I think I might go to a spring training game with the ghetto boys on Saturday. Pre-party at Uncle Sanford’s* (assuming of course that he’s able to unload his storage auction finds at the Ghetto Garage Sale). I might even take some of my junk over there to add to the mix. Think anyone will pay me full price for my now over-sized Lucky jeans? Which brings me to my hot tip of the day: Don’t spend your hard-earned cash on the jeans you love when you’re shedding the pounds. Major waste of money! I now have four sizes in the closet that I can’t wear anymore. *sigh*

*this new moniker courtesy of Uncle Sanford’s little brother

Long-Haired Hippies and the Antichrist

2005-02-18T10:54:00.000-10:00

I have no idea why the clerk at Fry's Electronics was looking at me sideways when I handed her my purchases the other day. I, for one, think The Essential Willie Nelson and Marilyn Manson go together quite nicely.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2005-02-14T10:33:00.000-10:00

Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun. ~Matt Groening

My Mom

2005-02-11T10:57:00.000-10:00

I just love my family. This is my Mom's reply to the post about my Dad:

"Nice dedication to your Dad. What about that wonderful, nurturing Mother of yours who ISN'T MENTALLY ILL--AND NEVER HAS BEEN!!! Ha, ha"

Okay Mom, I promise to put the spotlight on you soon. I love you very much! xoxo

My Dad

2005-02-09T12:48:00.000-10:00

We often take advantage of the people that are closest to us. I find myself being guilty of this more than I'd like when it comes to my Dad. I couldn't do any of it without him, and I just wanted to send a note into cyberspace thanking him for being the best Dad EVER.

Thank you for (a short list)*...

1) Making my breakfast and lunch every morning.
2) Taking my car to get a wash & an oil change (nevermind that you did it because you were embarrassed by the dirt and the out-dated oil change sticker on the windshield).
3) Listening to me gripe about my "hard life" every day.
4) Watching decorating shows on TV even though you hate them with the heat of 10,000 suns.
5) Sitting through the "food" bits on Fear Factor even though you gag incessantly.
6) Being my friend and supporting me no matter what (even when I repeat the same stupid mistakes over and over again).
7) Painting the ugly brown cabinets.
8) Calling to let me know where you're going to be so I don't worry too much.

So thank you Dad for everything that you do. This list doesn't begin to capture all of the nice things that you do for me every day, but it's time to punch out & go home now so it'll have to do. I love you very much and I am so lucky to have you. I hope you live to be at least 150, because I'd be totally lost without you.

*everything on this list has happened in the past two days! WOW!

Stars

2005-02-08T06:16:00.000-10:00

"Good friends are like stars.........you don't always see them, but you know they are always there."

Ligers - Bred for Skills in Magic

2005-02-07T12:47:00.000-10:00

Who knew a silly t-shirt could make a girl's day? I just received my official "Liger" t-shirt in the mail.

If you haven't seen this movie yet, do it NOW! You'll be glad you did.

So Much To Say

2005-02-01T11:09:00.000-10:00

...

Loose Lips Sink Ships

2005-01-31T06:33:00.000-10:00

Dear Jon,

Twenty years later and you're still talking smack. How sad.

Mae

Coffee Bitch

2005-01-28T06:14:00.000-10:00

As you are probably aware, Phoenix has been having some pretty serious problems this week with water purification. Four of the five plants were shut down. People were advised to boil any tap water they use until further notice. This is a conversation I had with my boss:

HIM: "Have you been boiling the water for my coffee?"
ME: "First of all, we're in Scottsdale, and the water here is fine. Secondly, NO, I am NOT boiling the water for your coffee anymore than it's already boiled by the machine."
HIM: "Well, I was feeling a bit sick, so I wondered."
ME: "I seriously doubt it has anything to do with the coffee, but okay."

(Enter boss #2)

ME: "You've been drinking the same coffee, are you feeling sick at all?"
HER: "No, I feel fine. Why?"
ME: "He claims to be sick from drinking bad water even though we are in Scottsdale."
HIM: "It may have been the curry I ate last night."

GEE, YA THINK??? I love my job.

Courtney Made Me Do It

2005-01-27T09:35:00.000-10:00

Since our dear miss Webwonky is taking a hiatus from posting, I'm taking over Blogdom to help you all get past the withdrawals I'm sure you've been having for the past couple of weeks. No? It's just me? Well if nothing else I guess I can log in and talk to myself each morning.

Maybe I'll have something of consequence to post later. Until then, be sure to go out and get your very own boondoggle key chain. A must-have for this season's fashion.